Thursday, September 10, 2009

Wat up America! It's Pip. And today was a crazy day. You see, the family I am living with in America is worried about my education. Mostly because of the time when I said a cow says oink and an elephant says moo. So they decided to send me to American public school. So here I am, all ready for school, and suddenly the bus breaks down on the highway. So I have to hitch a ride with Laura, the mother of the family. When I get to school, this huge guy, claiming he is the "principal", takes me to my classroom where I can put my stuff. We met the teacher, Miss Simpson, and I asked her if she was related to Jessica Simpson. She looked insulted, but didn't say anything about it. That was a smart thing to do, cause the last teacher that spoke to me harshly got a full blown indian sunburn. I blamed it on "anger issues". Anyway, she explained to me about the rules and what to do in case of this and that. You know, these guys have so many plans, they might as well write a book about it. Sheesh. After the whole pep talk, I took my seat and slowly waited for the whole class to settle in. We started off with some grammar practice. The teacher wanted to see how much we knew before she could start teaching us. She it said it wasn't a graded test, but we should try hard. Well, everyone aced it but me. I failed it. Next, we did some math. She explained crap like fractions and what not. I mean, sure math is important, but if she made it more fun to learn, then 92% of the class wouldn't be asleep or putting a gun to their head. When she saw nobody was paying attention, she got angry and gave us a huge lecture about paying attention. I only heard about 7 words of the lecture because I knew it would be long so I pulled out my iPod. When she saw I was listening to my iPod, she yanked it off and threw it away. So instead of pleading for mercy on it, I went to the trashcan and picked it up. She got angry and took it away, but I did a karate chop on her elbow and she collapsed in pain. She started to cry like a baby, and eventually the principal came to take her to a hospital. Apparantly, the principal called Laura and she picked me up and took me home. I was suspended for 3 days, so I got to stay home until Friday. Laura was very angry, but decided to forgive me because she thought I just didn't know any better. Also because I pulled out the big guns: bambi eyes. It's like kryptonite to adults. So in short, I guess this school thing isn't so bad. I mean I get to listen to my iPod and I even did a karate chop on a teacher. Heck by next week, I could have the kids working for me as my personal slaves. But that is just thinking too far ahead. Peace out. And stay kosher. P.S. You might be thinking why I said that, but living in America with jewish family, these things just eventually rub off on you.